I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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