So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
