You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
