so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And then he peed in my hair
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