After last night, I could never be a politician.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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