i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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