I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
