What a fucking waste of an outfit
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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