And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
