Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
