im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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