matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
