I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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