Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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