I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
