I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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