that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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