Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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