bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
