Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
