I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
