Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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