so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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