I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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