Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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