Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
