i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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