He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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