My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
