Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
