Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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