I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
