I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
