i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
