yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
