i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
