Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
