I'm an idiot
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year