There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help