the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to be your penis for a week.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out