Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same