I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.