i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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