i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.