3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie