I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
