i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"