I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?