I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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