Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
