HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
