Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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