Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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