Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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