they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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