my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
