You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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