i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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