so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
