I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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