i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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