So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
