promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
