I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
