I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
