If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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