He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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