i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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