Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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