Someone shit on the floor
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
