I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
