I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
