your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
