I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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