She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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