I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We are all done wearing pants today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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