He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
