its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
